06-29-10

Splode to Joy

I love explosions.  I love Beethoven. When I get bored, I make things like this:

Check the description on YouTube if you wanna know where all this splody amazingness came from.

06-09-10

I think I have Gamer ADD…

Ever hear this familiar warning as a kid?  “You’ve been playing too many video games!” I’m beginning to think my Mom had a point (although in her case, she was probably referring to my regular habit of neglecting chores in favor of more quality time with my Sega Genesis, but I digress).  Anyway—lately I’ve been buzzing back and forth between video games like a fly in a field full of cow shit, with no real purpose or agenda.  The result is an overwhelming amount of mental clutter in the form of half-finished games.

Just for shiggles, here’s the abridged list of what I’m playing right now:

• Alan Wake (360)
• Dragon Age: Origins (360)
• Red Dead Redemption (PS3)
• Super Mario Galaxy 2 (Wii)
• Black Mirror II (PC)
• Darkfall 3:  Lost Souls (PC)
• Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney (DS)
• Hotel Dusk: Room 215 (DS)

I was wondering if anyone else has ever put a name to this affliction, and sure enough a quick Google search turned up this blog post which sums it up quite nicely: “Gamer Attention Deficit Disorder, or Gamer ADD, is a term used by many gamers to describe the behavior of flitting from one [game] to another, never sticking with one [game] for any appreciable amount of time; also, being easily distracted by new games and systems at the expense of your wallet, focus, or both.”

The last time I can remember playing a game from start to finish without any distractions whatsoever was when I played through Uncharted, which, begs the question: Is Gamer ADD perhaps just a symptom of mediocre games?  Uncharted is a phenomenal game, and one I simply couldn’t put down.   So what does that say about these other titles I’m playing?  Why can’t any of them hold my attention for more than an hour or two in one session?

Maybe some of us play games like we watch TV: aimlessly flipping the channels, seeking a variety of choices in our entertainment.  Or does it have more to do with a game’s design & playability?  I know with some games, the stress level is much higher than others: frustrating sequences where I keep dying, puzzles I can’t solve, or tedious amounts of reading, grinding, or backtracking.  These are probably the times when I’m most likely to power down one game and go fire up another.

Whatever the answer, it’s at least comforting to know I’m not the only one with this problem.  How about you—do you ever get Gamer ADD?

05-10-10

Who is the Scranton Strangler?

There’s been something very fishy going on at Dunder Mifflin paper company… For the past few weeks, the writers of The Office have been cleverly weaving in a sinister subplot: The Scranton Strangler. *cue dramatic music*

He (or she) was first mentioned in The Delivery, when Andy buys a copy of the the daily newspaper to commemorate the birth of Jim and Pam’s baby girl, Cecilia Halpert.  It’s unfortunate headline: “SCRANTON STRANGLER STRIKES AGAIN.”

I of course laughed and didn’t think much of it at the time, but The Scranton Strangler has been mentioned several times in subsequent episodes.  Is this just a running gag or the early workings of a much bigger plot reveal?

Regardless, the question remains—who is the Scranton Strangler? I give you my Top 3 Suspects:

1. Gabe Louis—Sabre’s mulish but mild-mannered corporate drone is, aside from being a complete tool,  a newcomer to The Office and to Scranton, which instantly raises my hinky-meter.  Is it just a coincidence that The Scranton Strangler’s reign of terror seems to coincide with his arrival to Dunder Mifflin?
2. Ryan Howard—From lowly temp to Vice President to unemployed to lowly temp again (with an arrest and attempt to flee the country along the way), it’s no secret that Ryan’s past is a shady one.  In a recent episode he teams up with Dwight to wreak havoc against Jim, but Ryan seems to take it all a bit too seriously, going so far as to imply that he would kill Jim, Saw-style–could this be an indicator that he’s finally snapped?
3. Toby Flenderson—Poor Toby; nothing ever goes right for him.  Dunder Mifflin’s milquetoast HR rep and Michael’s favorite punching bag doesn’t seem to have much going for him.  But have you noticed that he hasn’t been around much lately?  Could Michael’s constant badgering (and perhaps Toby’s unrequited love for Pam) have pushed him off the deep end? You know what they say; it’s always the quiet ones…

Or could The Scranton Strangler be a new character yet to be introduced?  It’s a mystery to me, my dear Watson.

04-05-10

Heavy Rain is, well, heavy. (A spoiler-free review.)

Every so often, a game comes along that changes the way I feel about video games.  Heavy Rain is one of them.  It’s been a long time since I’ve played a game that has absorbed me as completely as this one did.  I suppose I should preface this review by admitting that Heavy Rain is the main reason I finally broke down and bought a PS3.  (Sure, I’m a month or two late, but that’s what I get for procrastinating on my taxes.)  I had been lusting after this game for well over a year, all the while lamenting my lack of PS3.  But the game’s highly anticipated release, along with PS3’s much more reasonable $299 pricetag, was, for me, a winning combo I could no longer ignore.

So a few days ago I wasted no time breaking the seal of the PS3 box, breathing in that delicious new console smell (I know you know what I’m talking about) and christening my Sony experience with this amazing game.  I won’t bother delving too deep into the plot or the characters, as I’m sure you can find more than enough information about them elsewhere.  Instead I’d like to focus my review on congratulating Quantic Dream for crafting a gaming experience like no other.  It seems incorrect somehow to refer to Heavy Rain as a video game, when really it’s more akin to an interactive film.  The direction and art design demand your attention right away, with graphics so realistic you almost feel like you’re intruding on these character’s lives.  (Side note: the game definitely lives up to it’s M-17 rating; it’s definitely not a game I’d let my kids play…if I had kids).  The meticulously detailed environments, rich soundscapes, and of course the game’s signature relentless, pounding rain combine to create an atmosphere of intense foreboding.  It’s an emotionally heavy experience that progresses from light to dark; from sadness to full on despair.

Although there is but one overarching objective–to identify and stop The Origami Killer–the four main characters each have their own story to tell.  Your actions and decisions as a player impact their personal narratives, for better or for worse.  There is no right or wrong in Heavy Rain, there is only cause and effect.  The best course of action to take is not always the most obvious; and sometimes the game throws a decision at you so fast you can easily miss it.  Yet the game progresses even if you fail or if your actions don’t unfold as intended.  By the way, Heavy Rain’s auto-save feature prevents you from going back for “do-overs.”  Thus, life goes on and you must live with your choices.

With that final thought in mind, I’ll try not to beat myself up too much for unintentionally killing off 3 out of 4 main characters. ;-)

My thoughts after finishing Heavy Rain:

• Damn, I fucked up.
• Damn, I fucked up a lot.
• Now I’ll need to play through it again just to redeem myself.
• The identity of the Origami Killer…wow.  Did not see that one coming.  At all.
• Yes, Heavy Rain was worth the wait. (And worth my PS3 purchase, for that matter.)
• This theme music is going to be stuck in my head for a long time…

And now, a few small gripes (because Heavy Rain, although amazing, isn’t perfect):

• It was shorter than I had hoped.  On the other hand, like a well-edited movie, it was no longer than it needed to be.
• Sometimes the game is too linear for my taste; it’s often too obvious where to go or what to do next.
• Some of the button combinations are frustrating as hell; be prepared for rigorous finger exercises.
• It could just be my shitty TV, but sometimes it’s really hard to see the action icons.  There were multiple times when I interpreted an action incorrectly because either my character was hiding it, or it was too small to see.

Despite its minor flaws, I loved every second of Heavy Rain and I wish there were more games like it.

02-22-10

There aren’t nearly enough co-op RPGs in this world.

Last Friday night, after a crazy busy week suffering video game withdrawal,  my boyfriend Daniel and I were bored and looking for something fun to play.  Tired of our usual go-to FPS genre with old standbys like L4D, we started searching around online to see what other alternatives we could come up with.  We ended up wasting half the night looking for games that either didn’t exist or games that we didn’t own and/or couldn’t put our hands on immediately.  But we had at least narrowed it down to three criteria.  We wanted to play something that was 1) Co-op.  2) Fantasy-ish.  3) Action/adventure-ish.

Turns out there’s not a whole lot to choose from.

We searched in vain online, Googling things like “fantasy co-op games” and “co-op RPGs” only to turn up a smattering of relevant results, usually in the form of old forum posts where other co-op-starved couples before us had ventured, daring to ask the same futile question and met with the same small, precious handful of games in answer.

Eventually we realized that if we were going to get our co-op RPG on, we’d have to kick it old school.  So I drug out my boxes full of old console games and began rifling through them, and to my delight, discovered a very neglected-looking but otherwise working copy of Baldur’s Gate: Dark Alliance II for Xbox.  I had had fond memories of the first Dark Alliance game, which, in a former life, I had beaten on co-op with my boyfriend du jour.  But I had never spent much time with the sequel, let alone play through it co-op.  Daniel and I suddenly had plans for our Friday night.

Eerily similar to our WoW alter egos, Dan selected the Dwarf Rogue character while I, comfortable in my usual role of heal bitch, opted for the Human Cleric.  I thought perhaps we’d play through the starting zones, maybe get to level 3 or so before getting bored.  But ever since last Friday night it has been non-stop BG:DA II every chance we get.  I forgot how much FUN these types of games are, especially on co-op.

And now back to my original point–why aren’t there more co-op RPGs out there?  Off the top of my head, the ones I can think of comprise a very short list:

• Baldur’s Gate: Dark Alliance I & II
• Champions of Norrath 1 & 2
• Diablo
• Gauntlet Legends
• Phantasy Star Online
• Sacred 1 & 2
• Secret of Mana

If you know of any others (any GOOD ones, that is), please comment…I’m listening!

02-09-10

If you really want fat, lazy gamers to click your ad…

…you might want to re-think showcasing a circa 1985 Nintendo Entertainment System, let alone using a stock photo that has clearly been (badly) shop’d.  I’m glad you know how to use the Paint Bucket tool.  Unfortunately, you’re a tool too.

Next time try showing a PS3, a 360, or any other console that wasn’t made over 25 years ago.  Some of your target audience (read: the ones without hair on their balls) may not even know what the hell an NES is.  You might also be perceived as more legitimate if you just–

Wait, what’s this?

…Lazy? … Soda? It’s like…almost as if this ad was written for me!  $150 a day, wowee!  But wait…what if the games I have to test are lame?

“I’m not talking about some lame ass games online. I’m talking about the latest and greatest games that are yet to hit the shelves.”

It’s like you’re reading my mind!  I don’t know how you do it!!!  Where do I sign up!?!?!

Oh. </3

Filed under: who-falls-for-this-shit-anyway

02-09-10

Trying on a new outfit…

I’m messing around with a new theme today.  Pardon my dust!

01-27-10

iPad with Wings

To the delight of Mac geeks and fanboys everywhere,  Apple unveiled its hotly anticipated tablet today.  Its unfortunate name? The iPad.

Almost immediately, the Twitterverse was rife with menstrual humor.  Here are a few of my favorite jabs:

@ThirtyTwoTwelve:  #iTampon there’s an app for twat.

@matthewathome:  Will Apple release a (Red) edition of the iPad once a month? #iTampon

@Nickdstm:  #iTampon for only $499, no strings attached!

@stoogyruby:   iPads are for 8th graders. I’m waiting for the iTampon, because I prefer to do all my interneting from inside my vagina.

And of course, because we’re all just a bunch of immature assholes, #iTampon became a top trending topic.

Update:  It was inevitable.

11-21-09

I didn’t realize New Moon was a comedy

All this week I purposely stayed away from the spoilers, the leaked clips, the early reviews, the 3 a.m. tweets, and the raving fangirl Twihards in socialmedialand.  I wanted to see New Moon without my already low opinion of Stephenie Meyer and her ilk tainting my experience.  So tonight I cast aside the “Twilulz” and gave New Moon a chance.

I want my $10.00 back.

New Moon started badly, ended badly, with plenty of suck in between. Now, I realize The Twilight Saga isn’t exactly profound literature.  I also realize I’m about ten years older than this franchise’s target audience.  But I also know the difference between good and bad movies, and New Moon is a terrible film.  The Twihards must be happy, though.  If they were hoping for a perfect smoldering-glare-by-smoldering-glare translation of the book, New Moon delivers.

It’s not like the concept of vampires versus werewolves is anything new, neither is the injection of a trite love triangle.  But when you take already-ridiculous subject matter and try to turn it into a serious film, usually one of two things happens:  1) You get something akin to Underworld.  2) Hilarity.  New Moon collapsed under the weight of its own attempt at being serious.  There were some moments when I felt like I was watching One Life to Live.  At other times, an after-school special.   Sure, I laughed during the parts where I was supposed to laugh.  There were plenty of intentionally funny moments peppered throughout the film, and these I enjoyed.  But I knew the movie was bad when I couldn’t stop laughing at the serious parts.  I wasn’t alone, either.  I heard snorts and stifled giggles all around me.

I found these bits especially lol-worthy:

• Grandma Swan’s thousand yard stare.
• Edward Cullen’s fondness for walking in slow-motion.
• CGI werewolves emote surprisingly well.  Almost as good as Falcor in the Neverending Story!
• Throngs of ambiguously gay shirtless wolfmen.
• Camera shots that make everything seem EPIC.
• Bella and Edward frolicking through the woods. Yes, frolicking.
• The Volturi’s drag makeup.
  
• Bella is evidently a Mac geek.  No wonder I hate her.

And those were just some of the good parts.  Aside from making me laugh inappropriately, the film’s music was another sore point.  The score seemed so out of place in most scenes, it was almost laughable.  In other places it was weirdly silent.  I really missed Carter Burwell’s beautiful Bella’s Lullaby theme from the first movie; I wish they had reprised it here.  In fact there was no trace of any kind of theme at all in New Moon; just the occasional soap opera-ish strings (you know, during the “smoldering glares“) and and endless playlist of sedate, instantly forgettable indie songs.  This is one illegal download I’ll skip.

New Moon has a running time of 2 hours.  By the 90 minute mark, I was praying for it to end.  Say what you want about Catherine Hardwicke’s gritty directing style, but she did a hell of a lot better on Twilight than Chris Weitz on New Moon.  It’s sad that I have to say this, but New Moon makes Twilight—a much lower budget film, I might add—look like an Oscar nominee. I don’t suppose it’s entirely Chris Weitz’s fault, though, considering the source.  New Moon is a shitty book, ergo, New Moon is a shitty movie.  I guess you can’t polish a turd.

God, I hate being right all the time!

07-23-09

Tim Burton’s Gallery of the Weird and Wonderful

Check out the awesome new gallery over at www.TimBurton.com, which is a teaser to promote upcoming limited-edition book The Art of Tim Burton.  The book will contain over 400 pages featuring 1,000 illustrations from the imaginative (and lovably twisted) mind of Tim Burton.  The gallery is completely flash animated, and is one of the coolest and most creative uses of Flash I’ve seen.

Visitors are invited to user their mouse or keyboard to navigate Stain Boy, the on-screen character who guides you through the gallery.  Kinda like playing a video game, you can move Stain Boy through doors, get close-up views of artwork hanging on the “walls”, and occasionally he’ll do some kooky things.  Oh, and be sure to turn your sound up to catch the whimsical Sugar Plum Fairy music.

If you sign up with an email address, you’ll get access to the Private Gallery, which features additional Burton-esque goodness.  Signing up will also get you on the mailing list to receive news and updates about The Art of Tim Burton. I imagine there’s going to be huge demand for this book, so better keep your beady little eyes on this one.

With the first trailer for Burton’s Alice in Wonderland released earlier this week and the announcement that both Burton and Depp will begin work on a Dark Shadows movie, this is shaping up to be one hell of a good week for Tim Burton fans.  Thanks to @simplyburton for sharing the gallery news!