06-09-10

I think I have Gamer ADD…

Ever hear this familiar warning as a kid?  “You’ve been playing too many video games!” I’m beginning to think my Mom had a point (although in her case, she was probably referring to my regular habit of neglecting chores in favor of more quality time with my Sega Genesis, but I digress).  Anyway—lately I’ve been buzzing back and forth between video games like a fly in a field full of cow shit, with no real purpose or agenda.  The result is an overwhelming amount of mental clutter in the form of half-finished games.

Just for shiggles, here’s the abridged list of what I’m playing right now:

• Alan Wake (360)
• Dragon Age: Origins (360)
• Red Dead Redemption (PS3)
• Super Mario Galaxy 2 (Wii)
• Black Mirror II (PC)
• Darkfall 3:  Lost Souls (PC)
• Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney (DS)
• Hotel Dusk: Room 215 (DS)

I was wondering if anyone else has ever put a name to this affliction, and sure enough a quick Google search turned up this blog post which sums it up quite nicely: “Gamer Attention Deficit Disorder, or Gamer ADD, is a term used by many gamers to describe the behavior of flitting from one [game] to another, never sticking with one [game] for any appreciable amount of time; also, being easily distracted by new games and systems at the expense of your wallet, focus, or both.”

The last time I can remember playing a game from start to finish without any distractions whatsoever was when I played through Uncharted, which, begs the question: Is Gamer ADD perhaps just a symptom of mediocre games?  Uncharted is a phenomenal game, and one I simply couldn’t put down.   So what does that say about these other titles I’m playing?  Why can’t any of them hold my attention for more than an hour or two in one session?

Maybe some of us play games like we watch TV: aimlessly flipping the channels, seeking a variety of choices in our entertainment.  Or does it have more to do with a game’s design & playability?  I know with some games, the stress level is much higher than others: frustrating sequences where I keep dying, puzzles I can’t solve, or tedious amounts of reading, grinding, or backtracking.  These are probably the times when I’m most likely to power down one game and go fire up another.

Whatever the answer, it’s at least comforting to know I’m not the only one with this problem.  How about you—do you ever get Gamer ADD?

04-05-10

Heavy Rain is, well, heavy. (A spoiler-free review.)

Every so often, a game comes along that changes the way I feel about video games.  Heavy Rain is one of them.  It’s been a long time since I’ve played a game that has absorbed me as completely as this one did.  I suppose I should preface this review by admitting that Heavy Rain is the main reason I finally broke down and bought a PS3.  (Sure, I’m a month or two late, but that’s what I get for procrastinating on my taxes.)  I had been lusting after this game for well over a year, all the while lamenting my lack of PS3.  But the game’s highly anticipated release, along with PS3’s much more reasonable $299 pricetag, was, for me, a winning combo I could no longer ignore.

So a few days ago I wasted no time breaking the seal of the PS3 box, breathing in that delicious new console smell (I know you know what I’m talking about) and christening my Sony experience with this amazing game.  I won’t bother delving too deep into the plot or the characters, as I’m sure you can find more than enough information about them elsewhere.  Instead I’d like to focus my review on congratulating Quantic Dream for crafting a gaming experience like no other.  It seems incorrect somehow to refer to Heavy Rain as a video game, when really it’s more akin to an interactive film.  The direction and art design demand your attention right away, with graphics so realistic you almost feel like you’re intruding on these character’s lives.  (Side note: the game definitely lives up to it’s M-17 rating; it’s definitely not a game I’d let my kids play…if I had kids).  The meticulously detailed environments, rich soundscapes, and of course the game’s signature relentless, pounding rain combine to create an atmosphere of intense foreboding.  It’s an emotionally heavy experience that progresses from light to dark; from sadness to full on despair.

Although there is but one overarching objective–to identify and stop The Origami Killer–the four main characters each have their own story to tell.  Your actions and decisions as a player impact their personal narratives, for better or for worse.  There is no right or wrong in Heavy Rain, there is only cause and effect.  The best course of action to take is not always the most obvious; and sometimes the game throws a decision at you so fast you can easily miss it.  Yet the game progresses even if you fail or if your actions don’t unfold as intended.  By the way, Heavy Rain’s auto-save feature prevents you from going back for “do-overs.”  Thus, life goes on and you must live with your choices.

With that final thought in mind, I’ll try not to beat myself up too much for unintentionally killing off 3 out of 4 main characters. ;-)

My thoughts after finishing Heavy Rain:

• Damn, I fucked up.
• Damn, I fucked up a lot.
• Now I’ll need to play through it again just to redeem myself.
• The identity of the Origami Killer…wow.  Did not see that one coming.  At all.
• Yes, Heavy Rain was worth the wait. (And worth my PS3 purchase, for that matter.)
• This theme music is going to be stuck in my head for a long time…

And now, a few small gripes (because Heavy Rain, although amazing, isn’t perfect):

• It was shorter than I had hoped.  On the other hand, like a well-edited movie, it was no longer than it needed to be.
• Sometimes the game is too linear for my taste; it’s often too obvious where to go or what to do next.
• Some of the button combinations are frustrating as hell; be prepared for rigorous finger exercises.
• It could just be my shitty TV, but sometimes it’s really hard to see the action icons.  There were multiple times when I interpreted an action incorrectly because either my character was hiding it, or it was too small to see.

Despite its minor flaws, I loved every second of Heavy Rain and I wish there were more games like it.

02-22-10

There aren’t nearly enough co-op RPGs in this world.

Last Friday night, after a crazy busy week suffering video game withdrawal,  my boyfriend Daniel and I were bored and looking for something fun to play.  Tired of our usual go-to FPS genre with old standbys like L4D, we started searching around online to see what other alternatives we could come up with.  We ended up wasting half the night looking for games that either didn’t exist or games that we didn’t own and/or couldn’t put our hands on immediately.  But we had at least narrowed it down to three criteria.  We wanted to play something that was 1) Co-op.  2) Fantasy-ish.  3) Action/adventure-ish.

Turns out there’s not a whole lot to choose from.

We searched in vain online, Googling things like “fantasy co-op games” and “co-op RPGs” only to turn up a smattering of relevant results, usually in the form of old forum posts where other co-op-starved couples before us had ventured, daring to ask the same futile question and met with the same small, precious handful of games in answer.

Eventually we realized that if we were going to get our co-op RPG on, we’d have to kick it old school.  So I drug out my boxes full of old console games and began rifling through them, and to my delight, discovered a very neglected-looking but otherwise working copy of Baldur’s Gate: Dark Alliance II for Xbox.  I had had fond memories of the first Dark Alliance game, which, in a former life, I had beaten on co-op with my boyfriend du jour.  But I had never spent much time with the sequel, let alone play through it co-op.  Daniel and I suddenly had plans for our Friday night.

Eerily similar to our WoW alter egos, Dan selected the Dwarf Rogue character while I, comfortable in my usual role of heal bitch, opted for the Human Cleric.  I thought perhaps we’d play through the starting zones, maybe get to level 3 or so before getting bored.  But ever since last Friday night it has been non-stop BG:DA II every chance we get.  I forgot how much FUN these types of games are, especially on co-op.

And now back to my original point–why aren’t there more co-op RPGs out there?  Off the top of my head, the ones I can think of comprise a very short list:

• Baldur’s Gate: Dark Alliance I & II
• Champions of Norrath 1 & 2
• Diablo
• Gauntlet Legends
• Phantasy Star Online
• Sacred 1 & 2
• Secret of Mana

If you know of any others (any GOOD ones, that is), please comment…I’m listening!

02-09-10

If you really want fat, lazy gamers to click your ad…

…you might want to re-think showcasing a circa 1985 Nintendo Entertainment System, let alone using a stock photo that has clearly been (badly) shop’d.  I’m glad you know how to use the Paint Bucket tool.  Unfortunately, you’re a tool too.

Next time try showing a PS3, a 360, or any other console that wasn’t made over 25 years ago.  Some of your target audience (read: the ones without hair on their balls) may not even know what the hell an NES is.  You might also be perceived as more legitimate if you just–

Wait, what’s this?

…Lazy? … Soda? It’s like…almost as if this ad was written for me!  $150 a day, wowee!  But wait…what if the games I have to test are lame?

“I’m not talking about some lame ass games online. I’m talking about the latest and greatest games that are yet to hit the shelves.”

It’s like you’re reading my mind!  I don’t know how you do it!!!  Where do I sign up!?!?!

Oh. </3

Filed under: who-falls-for-this-shit-anyway

07-22-09

5 Reasons Why the World of Warcraft Movie will Suck

Despite yesterday’s major geekgasm news that Sam Raimi will be taking up reigns as director of the highly-anticipated movie World of Warcraft, I remain pessimistic.

The World of Warcraft movie will suck, and here’s why:

1. First, let’s get the obvious out of the way.  As a general rule, movies based on video games suck.

   Need proof?
   - Super Mario Bros. sucked
   - Resident Evil (all of them) sucked
   - House of the Dead sucked
   - Silent Hill sucked
   - Laura Croft: Tomb Raider 1 & 2 sucked
   - Double Dragon sucked
   - Mortal Kombat 1 & 2 sucked
   - Street Fighter (both of ‘em) sucked

   …I could go on, but this post would get very long very quick.

2. The actual World of Warcraft sucks nowadays.  And things are only going to get worse as Blizzard scrambles to maintain its revolving door player base.  Blizzard may claim to have somewhere in the neighborhood of 11 million subscribers, but for all the new people signing up, there’s a whole lot of veterans and hardcore gamers leaving Azeroth, who are disenchanted with many of Blizzard’s recent “fuck you” decisions that tend to favor its own pockets over those of paying customers.  With the new Star Wars MMO looming on the horizon, Blizzard knows it must milk the WoW cash cow for all its worth–in the form of paid faction transfers and overhyped expansions.
3. I like Sam Raimi, I really do.   But just watch Spider-Man 3, and various other films Raimi has fucked up.  When it comes to directing, he’s kind of a hack who’s fortunate enough to have cult status/geek cred with the Evil Dead franchise.  Sure he makes some damn entertaining popcorn horror movies, but is he capable of pulling off an epic fantasy film?  I hope his work on Legend of the Seeker isn’t an indication…  Check out Raimi’s over-saturated IMDB page, where he’s currently listed to have over 20 projects in production, including Spiderman 4.
4. It will be told from an Alliance perspective.  Snore.  I guess even outside the game the Horde gets no love.  That aside, there are a zillion possible storylines in the World of Warcraft upon which to base a movie.  Why choose lamestream Alliance?  I guess two million Night Elves can’t be wrong.
5. Last year, I included the long-rumored World of Warcraft movie on my list of Top 5 Most Anticipated Fantasy Films of 2009, which up until recently, Blizzard has maintained would be the film’s year of release.  (I hope they didn’t really expect us to believe that! ) So it wasn’t at all suprising to hear that World of Warcraft: The Movie is now slated for release in 2012.  TWENTY TWELVE!  Will WoW still be as popular three years from now as it is today?

Hope I’m wrong!

06-10-09

This is so much fail…

Don’t ask why, but I was idly browsing the Harriet Carter site, a glorious domestic bazzare of gifts for old people and As Seen On TV products, when I stumbled upon the complete failure above.

“Guitar Hero® handheld game packs all the action of the monster video game into a pocket-sized version you can play anywhere!”

O RLY? I bet Free Bird sounds AWESOME on that tiny speaker.  For $17.98 plus shipping and handling, it even has a carabiner, so you can clip it to your belt and walk around with an overpriced piece of plastic shame dangling from your waist.  This is exactly the type of bullshit clueless parents buy their kids,  trying to save a few bucks, only to find it quickly disposed and forgotten.  They could just take their money to GameStop and buy a used copy of the real Guitar Hero for about the same price.

This deserves a spot on my Worst Gifts for Gamers list. Perhaps a Part 2 is in order.

06-05-09

Geeky Gamer Jewelry on Etsy

As the site says on its homepage, Etsy is the place to buy and sell all things handmade.  Here is a showcase of some of the coolest geeky gamer jewelry I’ve found there, and the awesome sellers who make it:

Pixelated goodness from an aptly-named seller, Pixel Party offers charm bracelets, cufflinks, earrings, and more in the classic 8-bit style of your favorite video games.

The Gamer Gear Store sells unique-looking hand-sculpted pieces from “all school” video games, as well as other great geeky gear inspired by vintage comics and movies.

The Clay Collection sells super cute miniature polymer clay versions of your favorite video game accessories, hardware, and characters.

For those who want to wear their D20s instead of just rolling ‘em, Candy Corn Studios sells beautiful, wearable art made with the real thing.

I really heart the jewelry that Omegazoid sells.  Simple plastic beads emulate that 8-bit pixel look perfectly.

The two ladies behind Charlie Carter Creations sell awesome clay jewelry based on video games, and other geeky stuff like Futurama, Muppets, and childhood toys.

Know of any other great Etsy sellers, or do you make and sell geeky/gamer jewelery too?  Leave me a link to your store in the comments and I’ll add it to my list!

06-02-09

Nintendo at E3: Epic Yawn, for the Most Part

Following along with Nintendo’s E3 press conference on Twitter, the live reactions were less than enthusiastic.  Well, it’s no wonder with a presenter like this:

Does she look excited about Nintendo to you?

For the most part, Nintendo’s presentation ambled along like an old woman with a bad hip.  The overall experience was so blah, #nintendofail was in danger of becoming a trending topic for a while there.

These were the lowlights:

• Wii Fit Plus – Some minor improvements to Wii Fit, such as omitting wait-times between exercises and the ability to target specific areas.  Riveting!
• Wii MotionPlus – Add-on hardware to make the Wiimote sensors more precise.  Will run you about $20 for something that makes the Wii function the way it’s supposed to.  Oh and by the way, some new games will require it, like Red Steel 2.
  (noticing a trend here with the tacking “Plus” onto everything?)
• Terrible scripted jokes between Bill and Reggie.
• Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: Crystal Bearers – Yet another Final Fantasy title…
• Women’s Murder Club: Games of Passion – New “interactive fiction” game series for DS, adding another nail to the coffin of real adventure games.
• Style Savvy – Yet another brainless pink-packaged game aimed at tweenaged girls.
• DSi circle jerk: over 1M units sold in less than 2 months, and DSi gamers will soon be able to share photos on Facebook.
• Wii Vitality Sensor – Peripheral that monitors pulse rate, nervousness, etc. I don’t even know what the fuck to say about this…

I’m on the fence about:

• Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks – Demo playable at E3 this week, but didn’t like the few screenshots we saw.
• Mario vs. Donkey Kong – Players will be able to design their own levels, gameplay looked kinda fun.
• Golden Sun DS
• WariorWare DIY – Gamers can design their own minigames from scratch & share with friends; kinda neat, I guess.
• Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicals – Another on-rails shooter from the RE franchise.

But there were a few sprinkles of cool:

• Wii Sports Resort – Basketball, archery, skydiving & more.
• Super Mario Galaxy sequel – yes, yes, yes!  The demo looked awesome, the graphics bright and beautiful.

And then, saving the best for last, Nintendo made up for much of its E3 snorefest with the announcement of…

Metroid: Other M

Okay, seriously, I want this game NOW!

Update: Penny Arcade sums up my feelings exactly.

04-21-09

Who knew zombies could be so adorable?

Plants vs. Zombies is a new game by PopCap that will be released on May 5th.  You can sign up on the PopCap website to play the game before the public release, plus get a 10% discount for the Mac or PC version.  Will the game be as awesome as the music video?  Cute zombies and singing flowers—I don’t see how it could go wrong.

04-16-09

Nothing ventured…

Surprise is a rare feeling for me to get from most games nowadays, but The Lost Crown is a rare breed of game—the kind that draws you in slowly, peeling away each rich layer of story, slow and methodical.  You are Nigel Danvers, treasure hunter and paranormal investigator, sent to seek your fortune—the ancient Anglo-Saxon crown—like many before you.  Atmospheric and steeped in mystery, the quaint English seaside town of Saxton and the surrounding countryside awaits your adventure…

Although ”a ghost-hunting adventure” is indeed an appropriate subtitle for this game, I believe it’s also the thing that originally turned me off, and the reason why I have not played this game until now.  I finally decided to give it a go after seeing it so highly recommended here and here.  I remember a few years back, seeing The Lost Crown on the store shelves, and quickly dismissing it as some kind of cliche horror title with vague, simplistic goals of capturing proof of the afterlife.  And while it’s true that you will spend a good portion of your playtime doing exactly that, The Lost Crown offers much, much more.

For starters, the game features a large cast of extremely well-developed characters—both living and dead—all with distinct personalities, backgrounds, & (often tragic) histories.  The quirky townspeople of Saxton are generally a simple and kindhearted folk, but the small town’s more sinister residents (and past residents) are the kind you wouldn’t want to meet in a dark alley, or say, in an ancient graveyard in the middle of the night! Every single line of dialog in this game is superbly voice acted.  The soundtrack is richly layered with Celtic music, ghostly voices, nature sounds, and a cacophony of eerie effects.  It never felt repetitive or uninteresting, and each location seemed to have its own auditory identity.  The starkly-contrasted black and white visuals are also highly effective in creating the overall mood.  Every scene features one small burst of color—such as the bright red of the phone booth, or the pale pink hues of the flowers—similar to those old hand-dyed photographs.  But whether its minimalist approach to graphics was a bold stylistic choice, or a result of budgetary restraints, The Lost Crown’s unique style oozes charm.

And I haven’t even mentioned how good the story is yet!  Saxton can best be described as a mystery wrapped in an enigma.  As its superstitious residents might say, “Not all is as it seems.”  Your adventure into the spirit world will uncover many grisly, terrible secrets, but it will also help some of the poor souls who are still lost and wandering.  The Lost Crown is equal parts scary and sentimental, and this, I feel, is one of its strong points.  There are plenty of scares, but plenty of tender moments too.  The game is also surprisingly long, but I say that to its credit.  There are far too many adventure games out there that are big on gimmicks and short on gameplay (cough, Still Life, cough).  The Lost Crown takes its time to tell its many related stories, and wraps them all up in an elegant package.  The game also boasts a good variety of creative puzzles, and although challenging, not once did I ever feel frustrated by them.

The Lost Crown is not flawless, however.  There were a few (minor) annoyances:

• Inability to skip through dialog quickly
• Too wide of a range on clickable “hot spots”, which can be cause for confusion
• Nigel walks very slooooooooooowly…
• Cumbersome inventory; you will walk around carrying 20+ things at any given time

 
But these things are all forgivable, especially considering the small size of the development team, led by the insanely talented game designer, Jonathan Boakes.  I loved this game so much that, before even finishing it, I felt compelled to buy the Limited “Pins & Needles” Edition of Dark Fall, Jonathan’s previous series of games.  Each edition is hand numbered & signed by the designer himself—I can’t wait to get my mits on this one!  And as for The Lost Crown, well…I will never judge another game by its cover again!