Free Halloween Costume Ideas, Courtesy of Pre-Trainwreck Adam Sandler

Remem­ber back when Adam San­dler was funny? Remem­ber when we used to laugh at all his obnox­ious voices and stu­pid faces? Remem­ber that one time on Week­end Update when he spouted off a bunch of silly ideas for cos­tumes you can make for free using stuff you’ve got lying around the house? Is this a cop-out for almost miss­ing this week’s assign­ment from The League ? Yup.

I had a much bet­ter post planned, but it involved me going over to my par­ents house to dig through boxes of old pho­tos to show you some of the musty hand-me-downs and hideous fab­ric shame-fests my mom hand-sewed and forced me to wear over the years, but I ran out of time, and trust me, you’re much bet­ter off with­out me recount­ing those mis­er­able expe­ri­ences.  The thing is, I’ve never been big on cos­tumes. Not only do I not enjoy get­ting dressed up in  any  capac­ity or putting makeup on my face, I don’t like call­ing atten­tion to myself. Candy was always my num­ber one pri­or­ity every Hal­loween, and as far as I was con­cerned, putting on a cos­tume to go out and get it was just a formality.

On top of that, my par­ents refused to splurge on any kind of decent store-bought cos­tume for me, ratio­nal­iz­ing this obvi­ously poor par­ent­ing deci­sion as being thrifty because, and I quote, “why spend a lot of money for some­thing you’ll only wear once?” And so, my Hal­loween cos­tumes through­out the years have ranged from mild dis­ap­point­ments to total fail­ures, and even­tu­ally I stopped car­ing alto­gether and gladly put in the least amount of thought and effort as possible.

In that respect, the above clip I posted is a per­fect sum­ma­tion of my feel­ings about Hal­loween cos­tumes. JUST GIMME SOME DAMN CANDY!

But just to humor you guys and get my check plus from the teacher for doing the work, here are my responses to the actual ques­tions we were asked this week:

1. What was the most leg­endary cos­tume you ever wore?

A witch. The “leg­endary” part is that I wore it to junior high for Hal­loween Spirit Day on the WRONG GODDAMN DAY. I was the only one in the entire school dressed up, and yes, it was mortifying.

2. What would you dress up as this year?

Crazy News­pa­per Uni­corn Man

And what are you sup­posed to be?

Won­der­ing what this is all about? This week The League of Extra­or­di­nary Blog­gers was tasked with describ­ing the best cos­tume we ever wore , and what we would dress up as this year. Here’s a cou­ple of my favorite responses from fel­low Lea­guers who put much more thought and effort into this assign­ment than I did!

• AEIOU and Some­times Why ‘s cos­tume is so scary I almost peed myself. I said almost.
• Cool and Col­lected got a rock for his clown cos­tume of shame.
• Mon­ster Cafe Saltillo wants to be Spider-Man…again.
• The Man Who Stares at Toys once dressed up as a Ghost­buster, so he auto­mat­i­cally wins.
• The Bat­man cos­tume  Crooked Ninja Tur­tle Gang  wore at 4 years old is STILL bet­ter than bat nipples.
• Infi­nite Hol­ly­wood cus­tomized his own Ninja Tur­tle costume!

More stuff and things!