Free Halloween Costume Ideas, Courtesy of Pre-Trainwreck Adam Sandler

Remember back when Adam Sandler was funny? Remember when we used to laugh at all his obnoxious voices and stupid faces? Remember that one time on Weekend Update when he spouted off a bunch of silly ideas for costumes you can make for free using stuff you’ve got lying around the house? Is this a cop-out for almost missing this week’s assignment from The League? Yup.

I had a much better post planned, but it involved me going over to my parents house to dig through boxes of old photos to show you some of the musty hand-me-downs and hideous fabric shame-fests my mom hand-sewed and forced me to wear over the years, but I ran out of time, and trust me, you’re much better off without me recounting those miserable experiences.  The thing is, I’ve never been big on costumes. Not only do I not enjoy getting dressed up in any capacity or putting makeup on my face, I don’t like calling attention to myself. Candy was always my number one priority every Halloween, and as far as I was concerned, putting on a costume to go out and get it was just a formality.

On top of that, my parents refused to splurge on any kind of decent store-bought costume for me, rationalizing this obviously poor parenting decision as being thrifty because, and I quote, “why spend a lot of money for something you’ll only wear once?” And so, my Halloween costumes throughout the years have ranged from mild disappointments to total failures, and eventually I stopped caring altogether and gladly put in the least amount of thought and effort as possible.

In that respect, the above clip I posted is a perfect summation of my feelings about Halloween costumes. JUST GIMME SOME DAMN CANDY!

But just to humor you guys and get my check plus from the teacher for doing the work, here are my responses to the actual questions we were asked this week:

1. What was the most legendary costume you ever wore?

A witch. The “legendary” part is that I wore it to junior high for Halloween Spirit Day on the WRONG GODDAMN DAY. I was the only one in the entire school dressed up, and yes, it was mortifying.

2. What would you dress up as this year?

Crazy Newspaper Unicorn Man

And what are you supposed to be?

Wondering what this is all about? This week The League of Extraordinary Bloggers was tasked with describing the best costume we ever wore, and what we would dress up as this year. Here’s a couple of my favorite responses from fellow Leaguers who put much more thought and effort into this assignment than I did!

 

I like Adam Sandler, I just don't like most Adam Sandler movies.
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Halloween [31 DVDs of Halloween]