I don’t do yard sales.

This week’s League assignment is to write about our most epic yard sale or flea market find ever, and so far there’s been a lot of great posts as everyone shows off their treasures. I, on the other hand, almost never go to yard sales or flea markets, so I had to get creative.

tl;dr

The tagline for this site, before I decided to embrace my immaturity with “30-something going on 12″, used to be “A girl who doesn’t get out much.”

Though the new tagline is more indicative of my personality (I like poop jokes!), the old tagline is just as true now as it ever was. In fact, these days I get out even less than I used to, what with my long commute, freelancing evenings and weekends, and being in a long-distance relationship. I’m so drained most of the time all I want to do is ride the couch and watch Netflix or dumb crap highly educational programming on YouTube (What does the fox say?). Sometimes even gaming requires too much mental energy. I don’t have a very active social life, is what I’m saying.

So you see,  it’s not that I don’t enjoy rooting through boxes of someone else’s old crap or staring down at old floral comforters piled with grimy, broken toys, it’s that I just can’t find the time or motivation when I already live in front of the computer and Ebay and Craigslist, are like, right there. I’m also not a fan of the awkward interactions that tend to accompany such situations, like not making eye contact with the dumb neighborhood kids who are over there by the mailbox selling gross, piss-warm lemonade, or having to politely turn down grandpa’s enthusiastic offer for 3-for-$1 Jane Fonda workout VHS tapes.

And then there are the serious shoppers–the hardcore yardsalers–with their fanny packs and bottled water, who’ve already picked through everything and made off with the few worthwhile items at every yard sale in the neighborhood because they were already beating the garage doors down before they opened.

So yeah… Yard sales? Not for me.

But if I DID go to yard sales…

Lately I’ve gotten really nostalgic about some of the toys I grew up with–of the electronic variety, in particular. The 80s were such a weird time when all of this cool technology was coming into the market and being used by toy companies in innovative–often creepy–ways.

Here’s some stuff I’d definitely be on the hunt for:

#1 – Pink Casio SK-1

I’ve writ­ten about my love of syn­the­siz­ers before, and I’ve owned a bunch of dif­fer­ent mod­els over the years, like the Yamaha PSR-420 I had in high school:

Yahama PSR-420

But the Casio SK-1 has a spe­cial place in my heart because it was my first (and yes, mine was pink too!) Well, technically it belonged to my older sister, too–we used to fight over this thing like you would not believe. To this day the  demo song fre­quently gets stuck in my head.

Pink Casio SK-1

 

#2 – Worlds of Wonder Talking Mother Goose

Though Teddy Ruxpin and Talking Mother Goose were both made by now-defunct toy company Worlds of Wonder, I’ve always thought Teddy Ruxpin was CREEPY AS FUCK, and so while Teddy Ruxpin was the big-ticket item on a lot of other kids’ Christmas lists, I was content with the less-popular but way less creepy Talking Mother Goose who sang songs and told fairy tales with a pleasant, Angela Lansbury-like accent.

Listening to Mother Goose was quiet, comforting, and soothed away all the anxiety I felt at the time over my mom forcing me to get this terrible bowl cut:

Jaime and Mother GooseWhen I got too old to play with her, my mom thought she was doing me a wonderful service by carefully wrapping her in plastic and packing her away in the attic, only to forget to remove her batteries, so that one day a few years later I was devastated to learn Mother Goose’s entire right side had corroded into a fuzzy, gangrenous-looking mess of acid-green goo. It was traumatizing, ya’ll.

#3 – Questron

I’ve blogged about Questron before–mainly because I was THRILLED when my years-long search for it on the internet finally came to an end thanks to this post over at Copywrong–which instantly brought back memories of laying on the living room floor with one of Questron’s learning books spread before me, eagerly roaming the “answer wand” over the pages, hoping I didn’t get buzzed. That was Questron’s way of warning parents that you might belong in the “special” class at school.

Questron

 

#4 – Pocket Rockers

You have NO IDEA how much I loved these things. Pocket Rockers were kind of a high-concept but low-functionality portable music toy for kids. They were about the size of small cameras that could fit in your pocket (no shit!) and played tiny, two-song cassette tapes by 80′s musical groups du jour. I had Tiffany, Belinda Carlisle, Debbie Gibson, and The Jets, because I clearly had amazing taste at 8 years old, and I felt like I RULED THE FUCKING NEIGHBORHOOD when I rode my bike through the streets with one of these bad boys strapped to my handlebars.

Pocket Rockers

#5 – Fisher Price Tape Recorder

The original, classic brown Fisher Price Tape Recorder used to accompany me everywhere, and was durable enough that you could literally throw this thing out the window of a moving car and it would still play your Read-Along Adventure tapes!

Here’s some photographic evidence:

In the sandbox with my Fisher Price Tape Recorder

Not even a full day of hardcore sandboxing can ruin this thing. I like to imagine that somewhere out there are entire landfills of Fisher Price Tape Recorders that are still perfectly functional that people would have kept around if only they weren’t so fugly. Brown on brown went out of style in the 70s. Get with the times, Fisher Price!

Now let’s check in with some people who actually enjoy going to yard sales.

Wondering what this is all about? This week’s assignment from The League of Extraordinary Bloggers was to write about our most epic yard sale or flea market finds. Here’s some of the cool stuff my fellow Leaguers scored:

  • Branded in the 80s recalls the time a complete set of Garbage Pail Kids came into his life
  • Erik Johnson, Illustrator scored a totally sweet Excalibur original movie poster
  • Toyriffic scored a massive box of Masters of the Universe toys!
  • Nerd Out With Me found some vintage Pac-Man air fresheners still in the package!
  • Nerd Cantina’s wife found some Cabbage Patch Kid sunglasses I’d totally wear if they fit my adult-sized head
  • The Goodwill Geek bought a ghetto pool party tub plastic bin packed full of random toy goodness

 

 

 

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