Nintendo at E3: Epic Yawn, for the Most Part

Posted Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Following along with Nintendo’s E3 press conference on Twitter, the live reactions were less than enthusiastic.  Well, it’s no wonder with a presenter like this:

Does she look excited about Nintendo to you?

For the most part, Nintendo’s presentation ambled along like an old woman with a bad hip.  The overall experience was so blah, #nintendofail was in danger of becoming a trending topic for a while there.

These were the lowlights:

• Wii Fit Plus - Some minor improvements to Wii Fit, such as omitting wait-times between exercises and the ability to target specific areas.  Riveting!
• Wii MotionPlus - Add-on hardware to make the Wiimote sensors more precise.  Will run you about $20 for something that makes the Wii function the way it’s supposed to.  Oh and by the way, some new games will require it, like Red Steel 2.
  (noticing a trend here with the tacking “Plus” onto everything?)
• Terrible scripted jokes between Bill and Reggie.
• Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: Crystal Bearers - Yet another Final Fantasy title…
• Women’s Murder Club: Games of Passion - New “interactive fiction” game series for DS, adding another nail to the coffin of real adventure games.
• Style Savvy - Yet another brainless pink-packaged game aimed at tweenaged girls.
• DSi circle jerk: over 1M units sold in less than 2 months, and DSi gamers will soon be able to share photos on Facebook.
• Wii Vitality Sensor - Peripheral that monitors pulse rate, nervousness, etc. I don’t even know what the fuck to say about this…

I’m on the fence about:

• Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks - Demo playable at E3 this week, but didn’t like the few screenshots we saw.
• Mario vs. Donkey Kong - Players will be able to design their own levels, gameplay looked kinda fun.
• Golden Sun DS
• WariorWare DIY - Gamers can design their own minigames from scratch & share with friends; kinda neat, I guess.
• Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicals - Another on-rails shooter from the RE franchise.

But there were a few sprinkles of cool:

• Wii Sports Resort - Basketball, archery, skydiving & more.
• Super Mario Galaxy sequel - yes, yes, yes!  The demo looked awesome, the graphics bright and beautiful.

And then, saving the best for last, Nintendo made up for much of its E3 snorefest with the announcement of…

Metroid: Other M

Okay, seriously, I want this game NOW!

Update: Penny Arcade sums up my feelings exactly.