Why do toy makers think little girls are obsessed with poop?

That’s my burning question for The League this week, which asks “why?” No, really, WHY? Profound, I know.

I was willing to let this whole pooping pets thing slide when I thought there was only one of these dolls–specifically, the one with the glitter-pooping rabbit (she typed, feeling utterly ridiculous) that I had seen on a friend’s Facebook page in one of those “I can’t believe this actually exists” type of posts, as it borders the line between totally awesome and kinda fucked up. It’s a thin line.

According to this extremely annoying website, “moxie” means having “the courage to go for it!” Someone at MGA Entertainment certainly did.

Meet Lexa. She’s an outgoing brunette girl with “Moxie” and a hideous fashion sense. And more importantly, A PET RABBIT THAT POOPS GLITTER!

I Poop Glitter!

Being a Moxie Girl is all about having “the strength to do something amazing.” Yes, girls, “Anything is possible as long as you stay true to yourself and never give up on your dreams!” Apparently Moxie Girlz dream about animals that shit sparkly things, like glitter, which really makes me call into question this whole idea of teaching little girls to dream big. Are there no kittens that poop diamonds? Or Fabergé eggs? At the very least, how ’bout a hamster that shits arcade tokens? What the hell are you going to do with glitter? Certainly not wear it, I hope, considering it just came out of something’s ass.

On a recent trip to Toys ‘R Us, I discovered glitter-pooping rabbits are just the tip of the giant floating turd. Take sweet, girl-next-door type Avery, for example. She dreams about koala bears that shit jewels!

I Poop Jewels!

At least I think that’s supposed to be a koala. If it is, it’s a shitty koala. Anyway, despite being a dumb blonde, Avery has the good sense to have found a pet that poops something valuable, at least. You go, girl!

Finally, we have Kellan (have I mentioned how much I hate these names?) who I’m declaring the winner of having pets that poop awesome things. First, it’s a unicorn, so that automatically wins, and B, it poops RAINBOWS.

I Poop Rainbows!

I know what you’re thinking–of course unicorns poop rainbows! I am, however, a little disappointed in the execution. Those turds look more like jelly beans, not actual rainbows. That should be a disclaimer on the package. But then again, I guess real rainbows wouldn’t be so easy to feed back to the unicorn, so she could shit them out again.

WTF

If I haven’t mentioned it yet, that’s clearly the best thing about these pets–they eat their own poop.

Why did I just spend so much time writing pooping pet toys?

That’s a good follow-up question, I think.

Wondering what this is all about? This week’s assignment from The League of Extraordinary Bloggers was to ask “Why”? Here’s what my homies in the League wrote about:

*More links coming soon!*

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