Why a tech blog would be covering junk food is beyond me, but regardless I saw this abomination over at Gizmodo where they’re treating the marriage of golden Oreo cookies and candy corn flavoring like it’s the food of the gods.
“You’ve basically got the best thing to happen to milk combined with arguably one of the best aspects of Halloween.”
Though I’m all for Halloween-ified food products, I don’t share their enthusiasm over this particular pairing. Candy corn is basically the parsley of Halloween candy. It adds color, it’s festive and it’s great to decorate with, but nobody actually loves eating it…right?
I can’t think of a time when I’ve ever seen anyone eat more than a handful of candy corn. Hell, I can barely tolerate a few pieces. I’m not sure what I dislike more: the sickening, buttery sweetness or its gross, waxy, chewy texture. I buy a bag of candy corn every Halloween just to stick in a bowl because it looks pretty. And you know what? Every year, when Halloween is over, I throw the entire bowl of untouched candy corn in the trash.
But who knows, maybe Oreo is onto something here. Maybe candy corn is more palatable when disguised in the familiarity of America’s most popular sandwich cookie. I don’t really have a strong desire to find out, and since these are only available at Target, which is kind of out of my way, I probably won’t know the answer anytime soon. Either way, candy corn still sucks.
Take it away, Lewis Black.