What do Hoggle and Jareth from ‘Labyrinth’ smell like?

Labyrinth Perfume

Labyrinth is one of my favorite movies of all time, but I’m not the type of girl who’s into things like perfume, so I’ll probably pass on these Labyrinth perfumes that Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab has dreamed up. But I do think it’s pretty cool that someone’s out there making a lame product like perfume a little more awesome.

Now someone really needs to invent Scratch ‘N Sniff internet technology so that I can smell these five Labyrinth-inspired scents:

“13 Hours”

13 hours

What it supposedly smells like: Osmanthus and raw honey with lavender, chamomile, white peppermint, raspberry, honeysuckle, thyme, bergamot, and Dracula orchid. 

What it SHOULD smell like: A mild blend of dirty diapers and that indescribable sour milk “baby” smell.

“Fairy Bites”

fairy bite

What it supposedly smells like: A dark, earthy ginger cider. 

What it SHOULD smell like: Uselessness.

“Goblin Cider”

goblin cider

What it supposedly smells like: Fermented pumpkin, brown leather, dust, tobacco leaf, and dark woods. 

What it SHOULD smell like: Halitosis with a hint of grain alcohol.

“Hoggle”

hoggle

What it supposedly smells like: Fermented pumpkin, brown leather, dust, tobacco leaf, and dark woods. 

What it SHOULD smell like: Urine, poisoned peaches and betrayal.

“Jareth”

jareth

What it supposedly smells like: Ethereal lilac fougere and gleaming leather with ti leaf, tonka absolute, white musk, and oudh. 

What it SHOULD smell like: Hairspray and ball sweat.

Where’s the Bog of Eternal Stench perfume?

That’s the kind of shit I’d buy. Seems like a wasted opportunity on Black Phoenix’s part.

Bog of Eternal Stench

If you find the idea of Labyrinth perfume charming, you might also be interested to know that Black Phoenix Alchemy Labs has crafted scents for other ’80s favorites like Fraggle Rock and The Last Unicorn, as well as gothic staples like Neil Gaiman’s works and Gris Grimly.

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