Few things get me hotter than seeing a shirtless Vanilla Ice frolicking around in the desert; or knocking a girl off her horse as he jumps his motorcycle over a fence; or later dry-humping the same girl in a dance club while her boyfriend looks on, horrified—all of which happens in his 1991 debut film COOL AS ICE, which I’m convinced was made to appeal specifically to 12-year-old white girls from the suburbs.
What better way to immortalize such romantic escapades than these COOL AS ICE valentines, sure to melt hearts and drop panties wherever they go, much like Vanilla Ice himself? (Back in 1991, anyway.)
COOL AS ICE Valentines – Full Set
Gallery: Choose Your Favorite (click to scroll)
Ladies, if the line “Drop that zero and get with the hero” doesn’t make your lady parts tingle, then I suggest you check to make sure they’re still functioning. Or perhaps Ice’s ridiculously colorful pants will get the juices flowing, as he raps sweet nothings like “schling a schlong” into your ear. The man’s a poet.
To really set the mood, I suggest watching this montage from the film, set to Ice’s slow jam, Never Wanna Be Without You.
Tell me this is not the sexiest thing ever committed to film. Oh, what’s that? YOU CAN’T.
For a full breakdown of COOL AS ICE and all the early 90s feels that come with it, check out the latest episode of Cult Film Club!
